Patent Pending

I met "Patent Pending" on a Friday night for a movie. We went to see The Campaign since we were both huge Will Farrell fans. He was cute, a tad shorter than me, but he wasn't a scrawny guy so the height difference wasn't a big deal.

We were early for the movie and the theatre hadn't let out yet so we waited in line to get in. You know how you don't like others to overhear what you’re talking about? Well that's the type of girl I am, especially on a blind date. I don't need the world to know about my pathetic dating life. Blogging about it is one thing, having people actually see and hear about it is another. Ths guy was so loud. He kept complementing me which is nice but it was over the top. The women behind me kept looking at me with sympathy. He was a dork. A short, dorky guy. I was trying to get him to shut up by not feeding into the conversation but he was a talker!

After the movie, which he talked almost the whole way through, we went to a local bar for a drink. He had told me earlier in the night he had been working on a patent, and if, when bought, would yield him millions of dollars. Currently he was working part-time so he was really banking on this going through. When we got to the bar (we drove separately), he brought in a folder of paperwork. He said he didn't want to leave his patent paperwork in the car for fear it would be stolen. We were in Cherry Hill, not Camden. I really don’t think someone is going to break into his car for a folder of paperwork whether we were in Moorestown or Kensington...who the hell cares?

I rolled with it. After all he seemed like a nice guy with some quirks but we all have quirks. He wanted to keep the date going so we decided to head into Philly (folder and all) to go salsa dancing. I drove (I don't drink and he was already a beer and two shots in) and on our way to the city he started telling me the craziest stories. Some so crazy I won't even write about them. The cliff notes version is he had had some bad things happen during his childhood, which in turn caused major anger issues as an adult. He played a lot of sports in his teenage year which masked the issue but by the time he was in his early twenties it had gotten so bad he had to be institutionalized. OK - this is where I decided to turn the car around and head right back to Jersey.

He kept on rambling on and on about his issues. He reassured me that he never actually hurt anyone, or caused any bodily damage. He just had some real mental issues that he was working through.

I took him back to his car, made up some lame excuse, and drove the fuck away. The guy was a mental case, literally.

He still texts me every so often and asks me out. The last text was about him renting a Maserati and us going to AC for the night because his patent was going through and he was going to be worth millions. I'd much rather date a man worth thousands with a Ford than Looney Tunes.