I don't smoke. I don't drink. I don't do drugs. I guess some would consider me a bore but that is how I choose to live my life. I don't pass judgment on others who live differently than I do, but I have learned I cannot date a smoker.
I met The Marlboro man on okcupid. I knew he smoked, it's not like he was the first guy I've gone out with who smoked. The only thing I ask of a smoker is if they can wait to have a cigarette until after the date. I smoked for 15 years. I've been the person who didn't smoke when dating a non-smoker. It's not a huge sacrifice to make. All the guys I've dated who smoked were fine with this. They would chew a piece of Nicorette gum instead of inserting a cancer stick into their mouth. This guy on the other hand not so much.
He was cute. Tall and cute. We met at the local coffee shop in town (yes I know, setting up a smoker for failure) and talked for an hour or so before heading to dinner. On our way to dinner (we walked) he smoked. After dinner, on the walk to the car, he smoked. When we got to my house (we were seeing a concert later in the night), he smoked three times. He was outside more than inside.
Now I did ask him if he'd consider not smoking while we were out. Well you can see how that was going. Kissing a smoker when being a non-smoker is just plain nasty.
We went to the concert where he smoked on the way in. I think we may be up to six cigarettes in a three hour time frame at this point in the date. His attitude was getting worse and that was bothering me way more than the smoking. He seemed smug, a little too arrogant. He had this "fuck you if you don't like it" attitude which just isn't cool. Not on a first date or a tenth date. He started questioning why I had become so quiet. I had definitely left my personality back in Jersey and was at the verge of not going into the concert. Three more hours with this guy seemed like an eternity.
I had gotten club seats from a rep and it was a great box, catered with good food and great seats. (I only took The Marlboro Man to the concert because I literally had no one else to go with. Not a good first date idea I now know.) The guy literally did not sit with me. He sat with the food the majority of the night. When we did sit together, he didn't say "I'll be right back" or ask if I needed anything while he was up. He just got up and left.
He wanted to smoke (shocking) and asked if I wanted to go with him outside. I said sure, I mean I didn't know the music they were playing anyway. Outside in the smoker’s lounge, he again asked why I was so quiet. I told him it was clear that there wasn't a love connection here because of our conflicting personalities. He looked at me bewildered, like I was an alien and he had been on a date that was going swimmingly well. As he puffed away on his stick I felt this sadness inside of me. How many more dates will I have to go on before I meet the guy I actually want to see again because he was not it.
We finished up the night and I made the best of it. I figured why not enjoy the next hour or two whether he was an asshole or not, I was stuck there so I miswell have a good time. His attitude had changed and things were going better. We kissed good night, he was a very good kisser, but when I told him it was time to go he said "It's not like I'm trying to fuck you." And just like that, the asshole was back.
