The Firefighter

I can't remember who set me up with the "Firefighter", I think it may have been an old bartender friend of mine. She did a really good job on selling him to me, part time cop, full time firefighter....all I could think of is what uniform I wanted to see him in (and out of) first!

He was out with a group of friends so I rounded up my single friends, which at that time turned out to be my single friend, Sarah, and met him at a local bar/restaurant in my hometown. When I first saw him I was shocked. He was not a good looking guy; I mean he was downright ugly. As Sarah said "His face would look better if he had been in a fire." I know that is harsh but man was he fugly. GREAT body, BAD face. It's hard to keep a straight face in these situations, and it's really hard to look at someone you are simply not attracted to. I made pleasantries with him for about an hour or so and declined going on to the next bar with them. He messaged me later that night asking me out on a date. I tried to decline nicely but he wasn't getting the hint. I used the "I don't feel any chemistry" line which somehow turned into me going on a date with him a few days later.

At PF Changes I was still having a hard time finding him attractive. I mean he wasn't as ugly as I thought he was the night we met, but I still didn't find him attractive. I was trying everything to let him know we weren’t a good match so I said I liked a blue collar, hardworking man but he needs to clean up well and be able to talk business at events I have to attend for work. Pretty much I was trying to say is I have unrealistic expectations and am extremely picky with hopes he’d find me to be a snob and not be interested. Well that backfired when he took his black dinner napkin, placed it in front of his face and quickly dropped it and said "I'm white collar", then brought the napkin back up to his face, dropped it again and said "Now I'm blue collar." He did this a few times with enthusiasm and ended it with "I'm a chameleon!"

On the way home I again said I didn’t feel any chemistry when he asked to see me again. That again was brushed off. When he walked me to my door I tried to say good night and go in but he was quick and kissed me. When the kiss was over he said "Now how's that for chemistry?" and proudly walked away. All I kept thinking was it wasn’t a bad kiss but then again my eyes were closed.



.

Speed Dating

In my attempt to find love I have tried all sorts of things. Lock and Key events, online dating, blind dates and good old speed dating. Now I tried speed dating twice, once in my late twenties and again a few months ago. Listen up ladies, you need to hear about this and learn from my mistakes.

First lesson: do not, I repeat, do not go speed dating unless you are in your late forties or early fifties. These events always have an age range and the women always fit into that range. It's the men who have an easy ten to twenty years plus the max age range. So if you're looking for 30-39, the men will be 49-59. Both times I tried speed dating this happened. There may have been two men in the actual age range and believe me they were a prize to be had simply for the fact they were my age!

Lesson numero dos: go with friends! Both times I went with a friend who made it that much less painful. The first time I went it was held at The Public House in the city. I went with two girlfriends and we sat next to one another. Now by the end of the night you don't feel like talking anymore. Imagine having 10 mini-dates with unattractive men...you don't have much to say. I told one man I was a sheep herder back in Switzerland I was so bored. As the night was winding down, my second to last "date" shifted from me to my friend. Half way through their date he excused himself, went to the bar and never came back. I thought it was hilarious; my friend on the other hand did not share in my delight over his behavior.

Number three: do not take it serious. I had one guy tell me he didn't like to go to the beach in the summer. Instead he enjoyed walking around the mall. Another laid it on so thick after the dates were over my friend and I exchanged notes and he had used the same lines on her.

Four: Do not go into the night thinking you will meet the "one". You will end up at the local bar drowning yourself in martinis or at McDonald's ordering the number one sobbing to the drive-thru teller about how you really wish they could super-size it.

And number five: you may actually get a date out of it! I did go out with one guy who as we were walking into the restaurant snorted, coughed and spit out a nice big loogie. See what you have to look forward to?!?!