Speed Dating

In my attempt to find love I have tried all sorts of things. Lock and Key events, online dating, blind dates and good old speed dating. Now I tried speed dating twice, once in my late twenties and again a few months ago. Listen up ladies, you need to hear about this and learn from my mistakes.

First lesson: do not, I repeat, do not go speed dating unless you are in your late forties or early fifties. These events always have an age range and the women always fit into that range. It's the men who have an easy ten to twenty years plus the max age range. So if you're looking for 30-39, the men will be 49-59. Both times I tried speed dating this happened. There may have been two men in the actual age range and believe me they were a prize to be had simply for the fact they were my age!

Lesson numero dos: go with friends! Both times I went with a friend who made it that much less painful. The first time I went it was held at The Public House in the city. I went with two girlfriends and we sat next to one another. Now by the end of the night you don't feel like talking anymore. Imagine having 10 mini-dates with unattractive men...you don't have much to say. I told one man I was a sheep herder back in Switzerland I was so bored. As the night was winding down, my second to last "date" shifted from me to my friend. Half way through their date he excused himself, went to the bar and never came back. I thought it was hilarious; my friend on the other hand did not share in my delight over his behavior.

Number three: do not take it serious. I had one guy tell me he didn't like to go to the beach in the summer. Instead he enjoyed walking around the mall. Another laid it on so thick after the dates were over my friend and I exchanged notes and he had used the same lines on her.

Four: Do not go into the night thinking you will meet the "one". You will end up at the local bar drowning yourself in martinis or at McDonald's ordering the number one sobbing to the drive-thru teller about how you really wish they could super-size it.

And number five: you may actually get a date out of it! I did go out with one guy who as we were walking into the restaurant snorted, coughed and spit out a nice big loogie. See what you have to look forward to?!?!