The “Stinky” Man

Mr. Stinky was just that, stinky. I met him at Fado in Philadelphia on a hot August day. I had actually had a drink date earlier which had gone surprisingly well but cut short because I double booked. (Note to self: no more back to back dates!)  I looked good that night, dressed in a great white dress, tan and hair down and blown out, I was looking forward to a fun night out on the town.

When Mr. Stinky walked in I wasn’t sure if it was him, but he sure did know it was me.  Forty pounds heavier and balding, he didn’t resemble his pictures at all, and I have been on a lot of online dates and when I say he didn’t look like his pictures, I mean it. Now I’m not one to overlook a man who is balding, I think a man with a one or two blade buzz are quite attractive, but Stinky looked as if he didn’t even comb the few pieces of hair left on his head in place. It was atrocious.

When he came over to greet me, I gave him my standard Hello hug and noticed he felt a little wet and sticky…not to mention his white Hanes t-shirt looked fairly dirty. After I unglued myself from him, I smelled a scent on him that was vaguely familiar. It smelled as if he had doused himself in dirty old kitchen rag cologne, I’m not sure how they would market that, but if they did Stinky was all over it!

He went over to the bar to order a beer as I thought to myself “Dear Lord what have I done to deserve this?” As he wobbled back over to me I spent the next 45 minutes listening to him talk about how awesome he was…I mean he was a super awesome man! A gambling man he was, losing thousands of dollars at a time playing blackjack online, not to mention he gambled with the strength of his cologne, if he even put any on that is. He then proceeded to tell me he had been running late and instead of taking a shower, he came right from work. He worked in HVAC….HVAC IN AUGUST! I looked at him and politely said, “Next time, keep me waiting and get a shower.”

Mr. Stinky wanted to get another beer but in good old Val fashion I played the tired card and told him it was time for me to go. He wanted to walk me to the speed line and I wanted to run there. One more sticky hug and I was sent off to be free from Stinky forever.

The next day I received a message from Stinky asking for another date. I swear flies were buzzing around my Blackberry (yes a Blackberry!) when the message came through. Sadly I didn’t give Stinky a second chance. He literally only had once chance to make a first impression and what an impression he made! There are days when I’m doing the dishes and the scent of the dish rag brings me back to Stinky and the memories of that night in August.